When In-Laws Become Out-Laws

Waterville, OH

Estate planning is a study in family dynamics. We spend our whole lives with our children navigating crises and difficulties and developing family values. Our kids grow up, they start driving, they go to college or pursue a trade, and then often they get married. If you’re lucky (and most of the time this is true) your new daughter-in-law or son-in-law is a positive addition to your family. In fact, a lot of times we see clients who like their in-law kids better than their own children.

But sometimes things don’t work out as planned and every now and then the in-laws become the out-laws.

This is a delicate subject and can wreak havoc on family relationships. The possible areas of concern that we often see in relation to estate planning include:

1. Efforts – by spouses, siblings, and others within and outside of the family – to improperly influence the child who you’ve named as your Executor, Trustee or attorney-in-fact under a durable power of attorney;
2. Conflicts regarding the division of personal property;
3. Throwing a monkey wrench into the family business;
4. Making it difficult to plan how your kids are to inherit your assets;
5. Concerns over protecting your grandchildren; and
6. Conflicts involving the family cottage.

So, the question is how do we address these issues? Very carefully. First, we always suggest clients be very thoughtful in choosing who they want to act on their behalf. Keep in mind when you give someone your power of attorney you are giving them an awful lot of authority to handle your affairs. Be sure to choose wisely and think of what influences your children may be subject to and their abilities to handle these very challenging assignments.

When deciding how to divide personal property – that is, your stuff – think about the dynamics of your family. We often advise families to have only their children involved in deciding who gets what; in-laws can complicate this process. If you fear someone is going to be particularly grabby, leave specific bequests to make sure that items go where you want them to go.

Family businesses have enough problems. Unfortunately, we’ve seen multi-generation family businesses and family farms fall apart because an in-law couldn’t adapt to a family business or farm lifestyle. Neither of those tend to be 9:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m. type careers and can be very challenging to adapt to if you’ve never been through that experience.

As far as inheritances go for your children and grandchildren, if there are out-law issues or even if you just want to be abundantly cautious, consider the use of a trust. One of the key characteristics of a trust is its flexibility to address almost any family situation. In conjunction with your estate planning attorney, you should be able to craft something custom made for your particular situation.

Family cottages are very common in this area. Many of us dream about the cottage being available for all our offspring to use for future generations. This is more difficult to manage than most people realize. Again, the thoughtful drafting of a trust or limited liability company can be a great way to increase the chances of creating a successful and fun legacy.

For assistance with these issues or any questions regarding the family dynamics of estate planning, please contact
Paul Croy at RCO Law, 419-878-2931.

This article was written by Paul Croy.